I feel lost. And I feel like I need someone but not one person comes to mind. There’s a knot in my throat and tears behind my eyes but they won’t be coming out.
I need to find whats right for me. Who is right for me but instead I’m reckless and dismissive with myself. Searching for what I think I want in boys who aren’t good for me.
I need to stop being trapped in familiarity.
I’m destroying myself.
Instead of learning to swim I’m sinking further and further into a mess that’s only mine to control. And I’m doing it by choice.
Sinking is comfort. Sinking is far more familiar to me than moving on ever has been.
For now I know whats right and am all right with defying it, but I’m unsure of how long I can stand to let it last.
I think you get the point.