Shits been hectic. I no longer have a day off and then I’ve been spring cleaning for a yardsale/sort of packing since I barely live at home anymore.
Can’t fall back asleep alone. Haven’t slept at home more than maybe 3 times in the last month. Having differing schedules blows a little bit.
Two years ago I was grasping onto a relationship that he and I both know should have ended before it did. It took all of my willpower to not get sucked completely into depression every day and I was fucking miserable to be near.
Currently, I’m in school, will be leaving my shitty job soon. I have an actual life plan. I am with someone else who I don’t feel like I have to compete for, who wants, and has essentially started building a life with me.
Two years and I’m a new person. This is insane for someone who didn’t expect to make it past 18. I’m really happy with what my life has given me at this point. Albeit, there are things to complain about, but who doesn’t complain? I’ll have my license by August and within about a year, possibly two if we can manage, I’ll be in a different city, too.
Queue ran out a day ago I think. I’m never home so it might be a couple days. Thank you for your patience, I’m gonna go workout some more.
Its been decided. I only sneeze when I’m going to or at work. I am allergic to my job.
That’s fine, it sucks anyways. But for real tho. I’m fucking done with this getting up at 3am bullshit.
Wore a short dress out. Got my car emission tested, bought wax supplies and a bucket from home depot.
The girl who did my emission test was kind, we shared a few jokes. The guy behind me in the lines gaze made me uncomfortable.
Getting waxing supplies, you could wear a trash bag and these guys would treat you with an unbelievable amount of respect as long as you were nice.
Then home depot. No one came near me. I got a double take from every dude and one stumble and when I approached someone to ask where the damn buckets are I was spoken to like the longest word I know is me. Mind you I know more about construction that at least 80% of the males I know.
I don’t actually get the point to anything. Like what the fuck is the point of my life and existence. If this is it then there’s no point to anything. Why have kids if they’re just going to be stuck in shitty job after shitty job just because you wanted another one of you around. Why bring another person onto this almost ruined planet to have just as much if not more uncertainty of self and purpose than myself. If this shitty job and debt and what feels like a somewhat decent relationship are it then I don’t see a fucking point anymore. Maybe I’ll feel different tomorrow. Maybe I won’t. This just feels too monotonous and terrible to seriously be all that’s anticipated from life.
My brain doesn’t seem to want to let me study. Cosm. Chem. test Monday and I want to cry. I want a break already. From it all, school, work, life. March 17, I cannot fucking wait for you.
Haven’t done my hair yet but can we have a fierce brow and how the right size bra make my boobs look phenomenal appreciation post?
Also, will this headache away, its killing my vibe and I’m not okay with that. Oh! I get to leave this god forsaken city for the weekend soon!
While I have no luck right now with spas, I don’t have the greatest desire to work in a place I could never afford to stay. I love waxing, its why I’m going to school, and when I have my mock interview I’ll make sure its with a waxing facility. Something will work. I’m getting some hours added to my schedule every week for cosmetics again so that will at least be some added income.
I am still confident in myself and my abilities. I’m still going to scrimp and save so I can move out. My car will be fixed this weekend. I have a boyfriend that loves me and if I’m not confident in myself or my body he gives me reasons to be again. Life will work out how I want it to. I may be really poor for a while but who isn’t starting out?
Almost every job I’ve applied for recently has turned me down. Because that doesn’t completely effect your confidence or anything. I need a better income, I want to move out with my boyfriend but that can’t happen with what I’m doing now and with my loans. I’ve found tons of cheap places but we have to account for the dogs and that makes it harder.
So after this weekend, since we’re celebrating valentines day a week late, we’re both living poor. I really just need something to work out. Because right now it’s a low paying job with about 20-30 hours a week if I’m lucky. My car’s starter just died, too.
I just need to sell everything I own.
Base By: Jahrenesis