wow my brother was telling me this joke and he said
"if you’re fighting with a woman and she pulls a knife on you, just pull out the bread and cheese and meat and her womanly instincts will kick in and she’ll just make you a sandwich"
then all of a sudden our mom emerges from the kitchen holding a huge ass knife and she approaches my brother asking “sorry what was that?” and he started screaming
100000000 points to mom.
i don’t know what i am doing with my life or my hair
Lazy bones catching the good life.
I’m feeling terrible body wise today but at least she finds me comfy.
Reblog if your cramps have ever
- made you vomit
- lasted between 2-3 days
- stopped you from being able to walk or run
- made you cry
It’s not considered a viable excuse on any occasion, and I would like to know why.
- woken you up at night the pain was so bad
- made you pass out
- made you unable to stand up without doubling over and grabbing onto the closest object for support
oh my fucking GOD THIS IS GENIUS
Ellen DeGeneres at Tulane’s 2009 Commencement Speech.
Base By: Jahrenesis